He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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