Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Me. At least after what I've been through.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
