I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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