I'm going to jail i love you
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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