Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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