Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
