The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
