Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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