Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
