I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
