If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
