so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
