Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
how drunk are you?
Several
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
