I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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