i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I am naked and annoyed.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
