Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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