Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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