if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Houston, we have a blender
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize