Whod you bang
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
