if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
This toilet bowl is my home.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
