Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
