my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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