If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
worst night to have a conscience
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
soo... how was my night?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I have post one night stand depression
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