im drinking this country out of the recession.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
