That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
