Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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