When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
