at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
