I've blown a few things in my day
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
i now understand why vodka
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
