I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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