i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
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