I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
