If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
This is the high leading the old right now
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
