If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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