Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
