I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
