I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
