Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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