my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
