Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
