I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
