i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
