Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
