I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
