At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
