I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
