I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
