Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
