Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
