I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
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