I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
