Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
