Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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