i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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