so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
