new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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