the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
