Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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