hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
