On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
