you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
