Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Threesome in a minivan. New low
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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