At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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