I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
