that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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