I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
