someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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