I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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