i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
