Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
