I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
