I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
