Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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