I'm jealous of your bromance
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
She tied me up with her honor cords...
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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