i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
