I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
