guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
