I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
