I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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