Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
