I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
