I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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