Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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