Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
