I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
