Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
