All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
