ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize
